Even Exhausted Women Deserve a Hobby

As a little girl, I was a creative sort. While some children incessantly ask "Why?", I was instead asking, "Mom, what can I MAKE?" By third grade I was sewing clothes, by high school I added painting to my crafting repertoire. My college dorm walls were covered with my paintings and my desk provided a spot for my sewing machine right along with my textbooks. As a young bride (in a handmade wedding gown, of course!) and career woman, I had my own home that was my new canvas for all things crafty, and decorating became a new passion. A step outside...and there was a back yard that needed landscaping...creative me, say hello to gardening!

You get the idea...and then can you guess what happened? Children. My first baby made his strong-willed, colicky presence known in my life and I was passionately in love with him, and with motherhood. As each child came, however, I found myself having less and less time for creative pursuits. I loved my life, but at the end of the day I often felt a bit frustrated. I knew that being a mother and impacting young lives carries with it a lot of responsibility and purpose...so why did I feel that something was a bit "off"? The answer came when I was invited to an event at a church in my neighborhood for young mothers. The monthly event included encouragement for moms of little ones, healthy snacks, "adult" conversation--and a time for crafting. All the materials for each craft would be prepared for us, and we could make something pretty and actually finish it before we left. It was amazing...and I learned some things about myself, and probably a lot of other women, as well, that I have carried with me through many stages of motherhood. Making time for a hobby is important...even if you're exhausted. In fact, I would say that if you are exhausted, it is even more important. So, I will let you in on my "secret"...why I make time for hobbies, and then how I do it...even in the midst of an often unbelievably crazy life.

So first, the why. Have you thought about the fact that so much of life is repetitive? Doing the "same old thing" day in and day out is common to most people at most stages of life, but for my younger self, it was intense. It felt like nothing "stuck". I would cook, the kids would eat, I cleaned up, and had to cook again. I washed clothes, put them away, they got dirty again. Dust keeps coming back. Grass keeps growing. Smudgy fingerprints keep reappearing on the windows. It is all very much a part of life in this beautiful world as we care for our kids and our homes and our planet. When I make something, though...it STICKS. That's what I figured out so many years ago. Even something small...a sweet little sign I painted for a shelf, a fresh wreath arranged for my door, or a new pillow cover sewn to add color to my couch...are all things that I could continue to enjoy day after day, and that brought a sweet little bit of satisfaction. Even if your hobby does not involve creating physical items, the same type of contentment can be gained when you realize you are growing in knowledge...learning a new dance step, reading a new novel, or even acquiring a new language.

I am no longer a "young mom", but I still find it important to invest in my hobbies. My home is full of teenagers and young adults now, along with in-laws needing care, so my days are very full and sometimes feel overwhelming. This past Christmas season I was feeling very stressed and found myself sitting in the living room, phone in hand, scrolling...and not paying much attention to anything I was looking at. We've all done it, right? Something on the screen captured my eye--it was a little bird made out of felt. I went into my craft room, pulled out some materials, sat down on the couch and started making a bird. My kids thought I had lost my mind. After an hour, the bird was completed--it turned out quite nicely, thank you very much--and I put a loop of ribbon on it and hung it on the Christmas tree. I smiled every time I looked at that cute little thing! I have learned that creating often shifts my focus from a stressful situation, but also helps me to use my time more productively when I am tempted to waste it with activities like phone scrolling or too much television. So what will your "bird" be?

There are an endless number of hobbies to choose from. Some of you may already have a hobby you are trying to get back to, but others of you may need to learn something new. I suggest that you choose something simple and accessible. If money is tight, then a hobby that involves lots of equipment, like photography or woodworking is likely not a good idea, but writing or drawing may be a better option. If you live in a small apartment you may be limited by space. Large scale gardening aspirations may need to be replaced with patio planters.  Your dreams of playing the trombone may be dashed by a cranky neighbor...maybe learn the flute instead! If you  have a particularly challenging schedule, perhaps choosing a hobby that also provides another level of self-care would steward your time well. Do you need to lose weight? Maybe taking a yoga class or learning to cook with whole foods would be perfect for you. Need more exercise? Take up Pickleball or hiking. Either way, select an activity that you enjoy; something that you look forward to doing, that "fills your tank" instead of draining it dry.

So, how do you make the time for hobbies when it feels like you barely have time to breathe? Here are 5 tips for carving out time for a hobby:

1) Make Space

One of the challenges to beginning a hobby that involves creating with physical materials is that the thought of hauling out all the "stuff" and putting it away feels like too much effort. I have felt that way about scrapbooking. Remember when that was so popular? I started books for all my kids, and did enjoy it, but to this day I still feel reluctant to work on the scrapbooks unless I designate a place where I can leave the materials out for a while. Depending on your home, this may be simple or quite a bit more difficult. I currently have my own workshop for my dried flower business, but my hobby space in the past has been a card table in the basement. You may want to put your supplies on a large tray or sheet of cardboard on the table, and then slide it under your bed when not in use. Hand work like knitting, crocheting or quilting can go in a pretty basket in the living room to pick up when you are able. Convert a closet or corner of a guest room into a little nook for your hobby. Give your materials an accessible space--so they are ready when you are.

2) Do a Little Every Day

I read a book years ago by a lady who had a very large family and sewed all of her children's clothes. Can you imagine?  I never aspired to follow in her footsteps, but she did teach me an important lesson. She was obviously a very busy woman, but she only sewed for half an hour each day. She would set a timer, sit down and work (her materials were accessible!) and when the timer went off she would stop and get back to her many other tasks. Over the course of the week she spent 3 1/2 hours sewing, and got a lot done! I have never been quite disciplined enough to stop in the middle of something, but I try to spend at least a small amount of time each day working on a project that makes me happy. Even though I run a business that requires a lot of time in my garden and workshop, there are days when all I can do is plant a few seeds or write a few lines for this blog. It is amazing how much can be accomplished a little at a time, if that's all the time you have.

3) Make it a Group Effort

If you are struggling with the discipline to begin or stay consistent with your hobby, ask some friends to join you! Perhaps you could take a class together, or have a friend with a particular skill teach the rest of you that skill. Remember the quilting bees we have all seen in movies? I think those women were very wise. They knew they needed not only to create something, but they also knew that we do best in life when we don't try to go it alone. Friends aren't the only ones who could join you for a hobby...sometimes family can join in, as well! Date nights could involve pursuing a new hobby...dance lessons, painting, or maybe a cooking class! Kids can get in on the fun, as well. When I was learning to garden, my children were young, and learned right along with me as I gave them each a section of the garden to plant something they liked to eat. My mom decorated cakes, and when I was a child I spent many hours elbow-to-elbow with her at the kitchen counter piping icing designs all over the place while she worked. Screens are drawing us all in, and away from each other. Make a conscious effort to set them aside and embrace a different kind of life...together.

4) Purchase a Kit

The mom's club church event that I referenced earlier taught me how fabulous it is for a busy person who wants to pursue a hobby to have everything prepared for them. If you are struggling with time, this can be a gamechanger. Most craft projects can be purchased as ready-made kits...simply open them up and follow the instructions, no need to plan the project or shop for supplies. Hobby stores have aisles of kits for everything from embroidery to candle making. Quilters benefit from "Quilt of the Month" plans that send all the pre-cut materials for sewing a quilt block right to your mailbox every month. If you want to pursue healthy cooking as a hobby, you can have meal kits delivered to your door with all the ingredients and recipes to get you started. When I began growing and drying flowers on my farm, I really enjoyed creating beautiful wreaths and other home decor with these stunning natural materials. I began teaching others to craft with dried flowers, and then started curating the same type of "kit" that had re-opened my crafting world so many years before.  Each kit I send off to a customer reminds me that I'm not just sending a "craft kit", but am sending an experience...hopefully one that will make life's burdens a bit lighter.

5) Say Goodbye to Perfect

The goal of a hobby is not the result--it's the process. Very few of us will become star athletes, famous artists, professional cooks or master gardeners. If your expectations are too high, you will run the risk of the hobby becoming one more area of your life that generates stress instead of relieving it. The goal is to insert something into your schedule that you are passionate about, whether you excel at it or not! Certainly, the more time you spend on your hobby, the more you will learn and grow in proficiency. I laugh to think about my first years of gardening...looking through the garden catalogues and ordering every pretty thing that dazzled me. I had no knowledge of climate zones, soil preparation, or seed starting techniques. I failed A LOT. I still call my garden a huge "science experiment" and make mistakes...but every year I long to get my hands in the dirt again and see if I can do it better. Find what you love and do it for that reason alone.

My mother-in-law is an incredible woman who has made a lot of sacrifices caring for her disabled son. Her life has been very full and satisfying, but not long ago she told me that she had one regret...she would have loved to learn to paint. I never knew that. No matter how busy your life is, I encourage you to live without regret. Give even a little of your time to a hobby, and more than likely, it will give you much more in return.

If you want to learn more about life on my little farm, get ideas for creative natural decor and even have access to discounts and giveaways, subscribe to my quarterly newsletter "Seasonal Notes" HERE. My first 100 subscribers will receive a sweet little botanical gift as a thank you.